The challenge of friendship…
From a Christian point of view I’ve seen lots of different types of relationships lived out before my eyes: the good, the bad and the ugly. One of the biggest things that I’ve noticed is that friendship is absolutely pivotal to decision making when it comes to relationships.
I believe that friendship should be the core of any romantic relationship. I believe this so much that I’ve never “asked a girl out” before. Not because I’m scared, but for me personally, good looks or singing great on the worship team is not enough for me to make an informed decision on whether I’m really interested in a person or not.
1 Timothy 5:1-2 says “…Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
As that passage of scripture states, it’s important for our motives to be right and pure. Some of us bypass the friendship stage and jump head-first into romance, date nights and whispering sweet nothings. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotion of having that “special someone”, only to realize that when you take those things away, the relationship is like a house with no foundation, destined to subside. Friendship allows you to get to know a person without any agenda. Not visualizing them in their wedding suit or wedding dress, but getting to know a persons values and core beliefs. Viewing each other as brother and sister can create positive boundaries that stop the relationship becoming sexual.
Friendship encourages true intimacy or as my dad likes to say “into me see.” There’s no pretence; you get to see the person for who they really are. You get to see them without make-up or a fresh hair cut; have real disputes that highlight flaws and weaknesses and even get to know family and friends in a non-threatening environment. Friendship is like the stitching in a shoe that keeps the materiel secured to the sole; without it they will surely separate.
After reading this you may be thinking that ‘The Challenge Of Friendship’ is merely about being friends with someone before taking the plunge into a full blown courting relationship, and to a certain extent you would be right. However there is another big challenge that also falls under this category.
One of the hardest things to do, is decipher the friend who should be more. It’s important to understand that being great friends and having lots of things in common is great and necessary, but that doesn’t automatically make you life partners, and that’s where many of us who practice friendship before courtship get caught out. Friendship is the foundation on which you can build a house of love, but you can’t build a skyscraper on the foundation of a bungalow. No matter how good the foundation (friendship) is; it just won’t work.
Having the blueprint and a picture of the desired outcome will let you know if your foundation can support that skyscraper. If the two are compatible then put it in the hands of the architect of love (God) who will supervise construction and make sure it’s built according to His revised plans.
‘The Challenge Of Friendship’ – Lovers but not friends? Friends that should be lovers? Friends that should remain friends? Under which category does your friendship fall?