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Having “the talk”

If you’ve been seeing someone you met on a dating site or spending one-on-one time with an eligible other in your social or church circle, you’ll likely want to know if they’re on the same page as you romantically. This, in turn, leads to the age-old conundrum experienced by singles everywhere: when do you have The Talk? This can depend on several factors, so here are some tips for navigating the most common scenarios and defining the relationship.

You just aren’t feeling a spark but want to be friends

Fantastic, it’s always great to meet more like-minded people. But be aware that the other person may not share your platonic feelings and might be thinking this is leading somewhere it’s not. If you’re totally sure this isn’t anything romantic on your part, now is the time to be honest and open in the gentlest, kindest way you can. The caveat to this is that love can often blossom from friendship, so remember that even if you don’t feel an immediate spark, it’s worth keeping an open mind and not writing anything off until you’re absolutely certain.

You assume you’re officially dating

We all make assumptions to some degree, but it can cause a lot of upset if you find out the hard way that your supposed boyfriend or girlfriend is seeing other people too. Before it can get to that stage, let them know you’re not dating anyone else and would like to be exclusive – if they respond in kind then you’re all set! If they don’t, then you’ll need to consider whether to proceed on this path, if the future’s uncertain.

You’re getting mixed signals

There can be a variety of reasons for this and what one person interprets as signals, is not necessarily the same as another person. If you’re finding yourself analysing, wondering and gathering the opinions of every single one of your friends, now is the time to bite the bullet and ask. It’s not an easy thing to be direct in this way and effectively ask someone whether they’re interested, but it’ll save you wasting tons of emotional energy (and the likelihood of getting it wrong) trying to fathom out their intentions by yourself.

You’ve been seeing someone for a while, but their dating profile is still online

Just because someone’s profile is still visible doesn’t mean they’re actively seeking dates. Many websites have an auto login system when you visit one of their pages – even if it’s a blog, events or general information section and many people forget they’re profile is still up. So don’t panic. However, it is time to have a chat. You could choose to ask the other person whether they see this as an exclusive dating relationship, or you can gently open up a dialogue by explaining that you’ve deactivated your profile – and why.

Dating can be complicated and confusing when there are misunderstandings. While it’s hard to broach a subject knowing you might not get the response you’d like, maintaining open and honest communication is undoubtedly the way forward – and saves you so much heartache in the long run.

About this Blog

Christian Connection is an award-winning Christian dating website in the UK, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, USA and Canada.

Since the UK launch in 2000, thousands of Christians have found friendship, love and marriage through the site.

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