Marriage

My husband and I act as a support couple for couples thinking about getting married. We help to facilitate conversation between them, and encourage them to talk about any areas that may be contentious. After talking with one couple recently I realised that there are some questions people don’t think about asking each other unless prompted.

‘I’m too old for the singles group and too young for the seniors…’

‘I don’t fit into the women’s ministry because I don’t have a husband or kids…’

‘All the groups in our church focus on families…’

‘I just can’t seem to fit in…’

How do we find someone to love? For many years, this question baffled me. I had no idea. None of my relationships worked out and I spent many single years wondering where all the available men had gone. Eventually, though, I found my answer. I’ll be getting married in a few weeks, at 48.

1 in 4 people will experience mental illness each year and it is thought this number is rising. Someone recovery or with a history of mental illness needs to think carefully about when the right time is to start looking for a partner and dating. I had been ill for a long time and I had been working hard on recovery when I thought I’d got to the point, I was not quite fully recovered but my illness did not define me anymore. I was happy being single but I wanted to investigate the world of dating to see if “the one” was out there for me.

Part of knowing God’s will is knowing His timing for events in our lives. There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens (Ecclesiastes 3 v 1). Verse 11 states, ‘He has made everything beautiful in its time.’ God operates outside of time as we know it, and He hardly does things according to our schedule. If we can grasp and accept this ultimate truth, I believe our stress and frustration levels would drop significantly. He knows the best time for things to happen in our lives and if we allow Him, He will make things beautiful.

In my last article, I talked about the importance of praying for what you want in a spouse. It’s good to pray for what you want in a partner but even more important is working on yourself to become what you believe God expects a husband or a wife to be.

Dating involves lots of decision-making. From choosing whom to message online, to wondering whether to go on date two or three, to choosing whether to commit to a long-term relationship or get married, there are so many choices to make. So how do we know when to say ‘Yes’ and when to walk away?

Prayer should be a key part of the life of any Christian. As children of God, we must believe that God is interested in every little detail of our lives, marriage included (even though I wouldn’t call it little!)