Marriage

‘I feel God has called me to a specific ministry in the future,’ said the Facebook post. ‘But my girlfriend says it’s not something she’s called to. I love her and want to marry her, but I’ve always imagined myself and my future wife working together for the Lord. Should I break up with her and look for someone who shares my calling?’

‘My boyfriend has hinted that he’s planning to propose,’ said the email. ‘I’ve always wanted children and, at 32, I probably shouldn’t leave it much later. My friends at church are all getting married and I’m worried I’ll be left on the shelf. Yet something’s holding me back…’

I attended a friend’s wedding recently. It was beautiful, as well as emotional. As I looked at the bride walking down the aisle, looking regal in her wedding dress, eyes fixed on her handsome groom, I couldn’t help but remember my own wedding. Walking towards my soon to be husband all those months ago, I remember being so excited and thinking, ‘I can’t believe this is finally happening!’ I had wanted to be married for a long time and when that day finally came, I was filled with too many emotions to put into words.

Finances can often be a neglected topic when you’re dating, and it’s no surprise because -let’s face it – these chats are hardly the most comfortable or exciting part of love and new beginnings. But with money cited as one of the major causes of arguments and relationship breakdowns, it’s not something to be ignored. So here’s some answers to common questions likely to crop up when you’re searching for “the one”..

Recently I was speaking to a friend about marriage, and as I listened to them talk about how much they wanted to be married, I felt like I was looking at a younger version of myself. I could definitely relate to the longing and desire to have someone to share your whole life with. This was me only a few years ago. I gave her some well-meaning advice which I hope she took on board, but it got me thinking; if I could speak to my younger self, what would I say? What would I want her to know? So, I wrote a letter.

I am happily married and have been for almost *drum roll* one year! After this (almost) milestone in marriage, there are a few things I’ve come to realise that marriage will not do for me. Thankfully, I knew some of these before I got married, but the past few months have highlighted the rest. Here are five things marriage will not do for you.

I wanted to get married at 22. I ended up getting married at 32. Yes, a whole ten years after the age I thought would be ideal! So, I know what it’s like to want to be married, to see all your friends getting married, to go to social events and wonder if every guy that as much as looks your way is ‘the one’. Not to mention the pressure that comes with being the oldest girl in an African family.

We met on Christian Connection a couple of years ago. I was completely against the idea of online dating, and actually had a couple of friends on different websites, constantly trying to get me signed up, and I always refused. One day, after a conversation with one friend, I decided to give it a go. I thought to myself, ‘at least, after this, you can say you’ve tried everything’.