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Author Archives: Aukelien van Abbema

If you want to go far… team up when dating!

‘If you want to go fast travel alone, if you want to go far, travel together’ the saying goes. Most of us have a tendency to do dating alone. It often surprises me how few people know about a date someone is having. It’s as if people are ashamed to share the fact that they are dating. ‘But I don’t want my friends to expect me to be engaged next week!’ a client of mine answered when I asked her why she didn’t tell anyone.

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What does it mean to be authentic?

‘Oh, but you just have to know yourself and love yourself, and all the rest flows from there’, a friend told me when I explained the Dating course I was developing to her. Just work on your own wellbeing and you will find love. Society tells us to ‘be authentic’, it screams, ‘just be yourself, and all will be well’. But it isn’t, is it? And being authentic is dangerous ground to be on, because it so often borders on plain selfishness at best.

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Dive into your dating life with God

Dating is like jumping in a scary, deep blue ocean… or is it?

Dating can be a tricky world to navigate. A place full of potential land mines that can blow up in your face, a place full of anxiety and fear: the fear of not being enough, the fear of failure, or the fear of being left alone. This may sound grim, but that is how many people tell me they experience dating.

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Learning how to dance together – getting serious about getting married

So here’s the thing. In order to date you need to be able to flirt or in some way able to attract the attention of another single person. Not too much, and not too little, but just the right amount to generate interest. It has been said of Christian singles that they suck at flirting. Especially Christian single men who are often accused of being ‘passive’ and non-initiating, whereas Christian single women can be accused of being ‘too eager’ and over-initiating.

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When a date disappoints

Sometimes you’re just disappointed in a date. You’ve showed up, made an effort to look your best, thought of good conversation topics, but the night just won’t flow. Nothing happens. You’ve felt it from the start maybe. She didn’t look the way you expected her to look, he wasn’t as open as you’d hoped he’d be. You just didn’t feel ‘it’. But you try to make the most of it anyhow, and it is what it is and you leave and say goodnight, that was fun, thank you, I’ll call you (whether or not you intend to), and you go home feeling… empty. A bit numb. Like it wasn’t what it should have been.

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