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Author Archives: Aukelien van Abbema

Does playing ‘hard to get’ work?

Years ago, at the very beginning of my quest for sensible input on dating, I read a book on how to get a guy. Bottom line: play hard to get, as hard to get as you can. The reasoning behind it: men love a good challenge and the more you distance yourself from them the harder they will work to catch you. Needless to say, I was still single long after reading that book.

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Lent – time to pause and pray

‘What has come into being in Him was life, and the life was the light of all people.’ (John 1.1-5)

This lent I will be reading #LiveLent, the Church of England’s Lent publication. Ash Wednesday this year is funnily enough, on Valentine’s day. Now that may sound contradictory. Ash Wednesday is traditionally a day of soberness and reflection – a day where we remember that we are ‘dust and ashes’, a day where we are reminded of Jesus’ death on a cross. On the other hand, Valentine’s day is meant to be a time to celebrate the love we for our significant other, although it has become a commercial holiday – one that we are reminded of weeks in advance.

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Why Shrek is the best dating movie in the world

Last night my husband and I watched Shrek, again. I think we’ve seen it every year since we’re together and we both have seen it a few more times before. So let’s say it was the seventh time I’ve seen it but again I sang the opening song loudly, and again I laughed at Shrek’s ‘Ogres are like onions. Onions have layers, you know’. And at Donkey’s famous words ‘I think I need a hug…’ And again I awed over the final love declaration in the end. But it isn’t your regular Hollywood happily ever after romcom.

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If you want to go far… team up when dating!

‘If you want to go fast travel alone, if you want to go far, travel together’ the saying goes. Most of us have a tendency to do dating alone. It often surprises me how few people know about a date someone is having. It’s as if people are ashamed to share the fact that they are dating. ‘But I don’t want my friends to expect me to be engaged next week!’ a client of mine answered when I asked her why she didn’t tell anyone.

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What does it mean to be authentic?

‘Oh, but you just have to know yourself and love yourself, and all the rest flows from there’, a friend told me when I explained the Dating course I was developing to her. Just work on your own wellbeing and you will find love. Society tells us to ‘be authentic’, it screams, ‘just be yourself, and all will be well’. But it isn’t, is it? And being authentic is dangerous ground to be on, because it so often borders on plain selfishness at best.

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