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A letter to my younger self (on marriage)

Recently I was speaking to a friend about marriage, and as I listened to them talk about how much they wanted to be married, I felt like I was looking at a younger version of myself. I could definitely relate to the longing and desire to have someone to share your whole life with. This was me only a few years ago. I gave her some well-meaning advice which I hope she took on board, but it got me thinking; if I could speak to my younger self, what would I say? What would I want her to know? So, I wrote a letter.

Dear younger self,

Today, you are praying for what seems like the millionth time, for your future husband. You know, God heard you the first time. He wants to give you what you desire, and He will, just at the right time. You want it to happen right now because you think you are ready. And you may well be. But God has other plans for you too. Good plans. Great plans, even. There’s so much He wants to teach you and to show you. For starters, you need to be able to hear Him more clearly. Above all the other voices and all the noise and chaos in this world. You need to know where He is leading you, and who He has called you to be. Right now, marriage seems to be all that consumes you. Sure, marriage is a good thing. God ordained it after all and put within you the very desire for marriage. But you were made for more than just marriage, and you need to realise that.

God can grant your heart’s desire and give you a husband in a split second. But He’s chosen not to do that right now, and you need to trust Him. You may not understand why you have to wait when most of your friends are getting married, but during this period, you will develop and grow more and more into the person God created you to be; the REAL you. During this period you will discover a passion for worship, writing, leadership and many others. And you will realise that time changes your concept of what is important in a spouse. For example, instead of someone that makes your heart flutter, you will long for someone that stills your heart when there’s a storm. Instead of someone tall, dark and handsome, you will desire someone that is dependable and trustworthy. Instead of someone with a high flying job and fancy car, you will long for someone you can build a happy home with.

Over the coming years (and in your quest to find ‘the one’), you will get your heart broken. Multiple times. And it will hurt. You will wonder why God allowed it to happen, but the experience will draw you closer to Him, like never before. With time, you will heal, and all that pain from heartbreak will be a thing of the past. But through the process, you will find that God wants you to come to a point where you realise that He is all that you need. Right now, you think marriage will make your life complete, and bring fulfilment, but the truth is God alone can satisfy. In Him, you live, breathe, and have your being.

Marriage is good, yes, but it is a gift. And you must never exalt the gift (or the idea of it) above the Giver.

By the way, you will get married. You will find that some parts of marriage are just like you imagined, and some, even better than you could ever imagine. You’ve heard that marriage can be difficult, but you will find that marriage is really what you make it. And above all, you’ll realise that God had it planned all along.

Urenna

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