5 of the most important things you can do to succeed with online dating
“I never thought I would be typing these words, but my husband always teased me that if we ended up getting married, I’d have to do one of these testimonials.”
These words were written by Christian Connection member Jane, who wrote to us to share her story a short while ago.
We thought, who better to ask for advice on how to succeed with online dating than those who have made a success of it. So we asked Jane and Ransome to share their advice on what they felt worked for them. Their response was so good, and echoes much of our own advice. But first, Jane shares a little of their story.
“Despite being from very different backgrounds in almost every single way, all the core values we were searching for in the other person were very evident.”
“I was an online dating skeptic, having had bad experiences in the past and was just about to give up on it when Ransome sent a few messages my way, which I ignored for some time. However, we chatted briefly, read each others’ profiles again and again, talked on the phone and the rest as they say, is history.”
“Not to say that there haven’t been bumps along the way, there always are, but we are very, very happily married and Christian Connection has played a role in bringing us together, and we’re very grateful.”
Jane and Ransome shares her top five tips below and we have given our own thoughts on each one.
1. Keep an open mind when it comes to the superficial things in life, but stick to the script when it comes to the core values you’re looking for.
Jane hit the nail on the head here – while it’s important to have a few non-negotiables, don’t map out your ideal partner in such detail that you miss opportunities that are right in front of you. Go into the process with an open mind and prepare to be surprised. And throughout the process, constantly ask yourself: Am I being superficial?
2. Don’t get too invested before you meet. If you have connected with someone else, don’t be afraid to arrange to meet sooner rather than later.
We cannot stress this enough – don’t over invest in the relationship online. Research shows that the most successful relationships which started online, met face-to-face within one week of making the initial contact. Remember that until you’ve met someone IRL (in real life), you haven’t really met them! So, meet in person and meet early. And on the subject of the first meeting…
3. Don’t put too much pressure on the first meeting, and don’t expect everything to be perfect straightaway.
We often put some much pressure and expectation on the first date, and many people are looking for the illusive ‘spark’. But as Vicky Walker explains, a spark is no indicator of a potential successful relationship. Try not to ask ‘Could I marry this person’ on the first date – it takes time to really know if you’re a good fit – instead ask ‘Do I want to know more about them?’. If the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘maybe’, then go for that second date.
4. The laws of attraction are not so strictly “laws”. Don’t put yourself down when you want to approach someone, and certainly don’t limit yourself to a highly specific combination of physical qualities that you think you need.
It’s been said time and time again, but it’s worth saying again. Whilst physical beauty fades over the years, true Godly character remains. Remember above all, that you are a child of God and your true identity lies in the unconditional acceptance of your Father in heaven.
5. Most importantly, in every step of the journey, whether single, dating, trying, hoping, dreaming, engagement or marriage – take everything to God in prayer. And listen to wise friends.
The final tip (and perhaps the most important) is best summed up by this Bible passage from St Paul’s letter to the Philippians: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Thank you Jane and Ransome for your wise words. We wish you every blessing for your marriage and the future.