My husband and I act as a support couple for couples thinking about getting married. We help to facilitate conversation between them, and encourage them to talk about any areas that may be contentious. After talking with one couple recently I realised that there are some questions people don’t think about asking each other unless prompted.
‘I connected with a nice guy online, we met up a few times, and he seemed keen to pursue a relationship,’ said the email. ‘But since then, he’s blown hot and cold. For a few weeks, he’ll be enthusiastic and romantic and talk about the future… then he’ll withdraw and say he’s not ready for a relationship… then the cycle starts again. I really like him but this is wearing me down. At what point do I call it quits?’
Last Friday I found myself, unusually, with nothing to do. It’s a rare treat in a busy London life, but the thought did flit through my mind ‘I wonder if anyone wants to come over…’ I couldn’t really be bothered to come up with a plan, though, so I just stayed in and watched TV.
During the week I heard from a friend that both she and someone else in our church had been home alone and thinking much the same. If only we’d said something…
So why didn’t we?
Your church should, in theory, be the ideal place to meet your future spouse. And for those who meet and marry within their congregation, this does turn out to be the case. But for many others, the question is less straightforward. Dating, or falling for someone, within a close-knit or even wider community, can bring complications.
When God doesn’t give us what we want straight away, especially if it’s a good thing that we desire, it could be because He’s trying to develop patience in us. We have to learn to trust and wait on Him. In the case of marriage, it could also be that He’s working on us whilst preparing the right partner to show up at the right time.
Last month, I shared some tips for putting on an event at your church for single Christians. However, getting to spend time with other single believers doesn’t have to mean running an all-singing, all-dancing, all-praising extravaganza. If you’d prefer to start small, a local meet-up on your patch is a great way to make new connections and doesn’t take too much arranging. You don’t have to start a new career as an events organiser to meet people!
Christian Connection is an award-winning Christian dating website in the UK, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, USA and Canada.
Since the UK launch in 2000, thousands of Christians have found friendship, love and marriage through the site.